For my "birthday list" this year--with the big 3-0 coming up--I thought that I would make an anti-birthday list. I sent out an email to my family which listed "Things That Make Me Happy," instead. Once again, I am squashed. I really was just trying to think outside the box, do something fun and creative, and make other people (and myself) think. I mean, isn't that what we are supposed to do for people for their birthdays? Things that make them happy? And I felt really proud of my list because, far from exhaustive, it took a focus off of the negativity that has been my bed-fellow for several years and made me meditate on just how many things (and what simple things!) do make me happy. Plus, I couldn't help but notice, one could buy and buy from this list, or they could spend nothing but a little time, effort, or planning. Which is sort of what I was looking for, to begin with: love and encouragement expressed in my own language; services, gifts (even the simple ones).
Don't you remember how youth made everything so much shinier? For me, just a road-side meadow waving in the wind or a funny scene enacted at a WalMart or the smell of a pleasant perfume in the mall... I didn't feel that I had to be cynical or worried when I encountered the simple pleasantries of life, the good ol' joi de vive. What happens to us? Where does the laughter go? Why do we let the negative people in our lives rule the roost while the energetic, creative, outside-the-box people lose touch?
And, more importantly to me as I approach this aging milestone, can I actually reclaim my lost youth? Can I be both advanced in experience and full of joy? Can I relish the oom-pah of Latin music in passing or Christmas lights or wind socks or shadows or whatever it is that has historically made me happy? Can I somehow LEARN to see around or through the stressors in life (as in, can I see the clean dishes for the dirty laundry or the mowed lawn for the ripped pants)?
And, more importantly, how can I actually pursue JOY so that I can attain it, in some measure, more with every year of my life? I understand, to an extent, the root of all my problems, as a lack of understanding of the God of the Universe (including His Person as a loving, personal Savior, Father, etc.). But since I can not force God's hand in the matter, then is it pointless for me to keep asking for more wisdom and more peace and more joy? To be honest, I feel much worse for the wear when it comes to all three of these things, now. At 21... well, was I more joyful or more peaceful or more wise? When it comes to character (patience, charity, gentleness, discipline, etc.), I feel like such a 30-year-old loser. (Just have a couple of kids and do you're darndest to raise them right and you'll see what I mean.)
Oh, well.
Here is the list of random things that make me happy (NOT joyful, which I believe lies much deeper than the sum total of pleasant things in my life):
-linens (blankets, pillows, throws, rugs, curtains, etc.)
-artsy-crafty stuff (esp. painting, photography, cutting paper, and sewing)
-pottery (to use, not stare at)
-handmade stuff
-local stuff
-world stuff (esp. asian and indian, but really anything)
-conscientious stuff
-environmentalism
-re-purposed stuff
-vintage stuff
-massages (!!!)
-original artwork
-reading/books (literature, on writing, about food/nutrition, travelogues, etc.)
-soundtracks, world music, alt-rock
-clothes (esp. hippie clothes, fun tees (esp. with printed on items, like ties), jeans, re-purposed, vintage, etc.)
-shoes (esp. converse, new balance, birkenstocks, blowfish, and rocket dog)
-earrings (especially danglys and studs; )
-bags (purses, satchels, travel bags, etc. etc. etc.)
-scarves
-hair stuff
-writing
-cookbooks (esp. health/nutrition, world, veggie, etc.)
-kitchen stuff
-pretty yard things (twirly windmills, wind socks, giant metal flowers, etc.)
-wind chimes
-bright colors (esp. turquoise, apple red, pumpkin orange)
-pleasant smells
-hiking, camping, kayaking, canoeing, yoga, pilates
-good, healthy food (berries, cherries, cauliflower, shrimp, dark chocolate, tomatoes, herbs, coconut, Thai food...)
-the desert and the ocean (and the mountains)
-travel
-warmth
-journals (with no lines)/journaling
-my family, my friends, my babies
-Jesus
-philosophy
-pleasant smells (esp. fruity and food, oils, soy candles, and incense)
-philanthropy (esp. children, anti-slave trade, hunger, etc.)
-low light (like candles, Christmas lights)
-night time
-stars
-astronomy
-marine biology
-archaeology
-homemade things
-quilts
-the disciplines/academia
-singing
-swimming
-poetry
-wind
-flowers
-glass bottles
-sleep
-dancing
-musicals (and some plays, too)
-museums, coffee shops, libraries, readings, lectures, festivals, fairs
-encouragement
-cleanliness
-organization
-plans
-wood, glass, and metal
-squares, straight lines, circles
-assymetry
-shopping (and good deals)
-road trips
-holidays (esp. Christmas and halloween)
-physical labor (to a point, you know)
-water
-faces and feet
-movies (only good ones, like "Babbette's Feast" and "Yes Man")
-the food network (and iron chef)
-magazines (esp. food, nutrition, world)
-rocks and gemstones (esp. turquoise)
-roller coasters
-natural, pleasantly smelly cosmetics and toiletries
-photos
-Kevin
-good restaurants
-loyalty
-wisdom
-the Bible
-trains (esp. sleeper trains)
-interior design
-tea
-cooking and baking
-grape arbors
-real stuff
-adoption
-open windows
-office supplies
-getting really dressed up
-crystals
-giving gifts
-letters
-lists
C'est la vie. Comme-ci comme-ca. Good night and good riddance.
About Me
- bitter poet
- I have a 6-yr-old, a 3-year-old, have been married 9 years. A smallish, oldish house. Addicted to bright colour, organization, and a stubborn streak. Enjoy sunshine and wind, ethnic cuisine, and pleasant smells (which dooms the oldish house). Am studying yoga and want to learn sea kayaking and get a tattoo. Adore traveling. A midwesterner in the south. Educated. Christian, painter, writer, editor, housekeeper, foodie, cook, volunteer.
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6 comments:
hey dev --
what did you mean you are squashed? did someone not like your list? or are you just tired from putting such a great list together???
just curious.
you'll love being thirty.
anne
Hello my dear. I loved your list. Truly. I wish that I could send you a HUGE bunch of mulberries that just ripened in our backyard...hopefully that would help brighten your day.
Take it from a 32-year-old...thirties are not so bad. Actually, I like them better than my twenties.
Much love.
Sara
anne,
I was indeed squashed by the reaction to my list. I got the reaction I should have known was coming--that I am "weird"--but I also got one I didn't expected, which stung more: an accusation that I was asking for so much! That was the complete opposite of my intention, which was to ask for nothing except a little happiness from the people who genuinely want to make my birthday happier, and in any ol' creative way they want to.
Also, anne, I almost mentioned in this posting that I was thinking of you today b/c I suddenly realized that is one of the things I really miss about you: you were never afraid to "go there" with me when I was being creative or thinking outside of the box. I can't begin to enumerate all the times I (or you) came up with some crazy idea and the other one of us just took it in stride and went along. That was so great of you!
like taking annual photos in that culvert (? ) under the sidewalk? or climbing that funky sculpture on campus? : ) those were good times!
i love the list -- not only lots and lots of great birthday ideas but a fun glimpse into who you are!
love. anne
I don't know if you can reclaim your lost youth, but you can certainly catch fleeting glimpses of it in your mind's eye, sometimes in a moment of undisturbed peace, or in the recognition of a certain smell or taste.
As I reached my milestone birthday this year, I found myself experiencing little golden moments that provided a pleasant respite from the busyness of my real life. I, too, bought some old books and began re-reading Chaim Potok's novels. I've also thought about favorite books I haven't read in many years--A Separate Peace, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, Blue Willow (now that's going back). I felt like I was getting some clarity about the past even as I was experiencing a dirth of words to express my feelings. And I started thinking "what else? What do I still need to do?" Of all the things I planned, what is still important? While entertaining these thoughts I realized that I have to pay for my house, and eat, and interact with my family and colleagues. You can't live the life of the mind, but you can enjoy it now and then.
As far as being advanced in experience but still full of joy, for me, being advanced in experience has increased my joy and contentment. I don't worry about half the stuff I used to. I wear short-sleeved shirts and enjoy the feeling of freedom in doing so. You know what I mean. And I find so much joy in the simpler things. This weekend I sat on the shady side of my deck surrounded by the plants I love, listening to the wind. I was reading, but had to put the book down and just listen for a minute. Even the dogs picked up on the music in the wind as they stood letting it ripple through their short coats. It gave me joy to see them enjoying the strength and sound of the wind. They looked around at the leaves twinkling and twisting on the trees. Rocky closed his eyes and let the wind wash over him like a wave. When I looked out at the tall, tall grass rippling around the trees out back--grass that a few days before I thought should have been chopped down--it looked so beautiful waving in the wind that I was glad the mowers left it. And I thought,"Life is good. That sound is good. That breezy coolness is good. That rippling grass is good."
Never stop seeking more wisdom, more peace, more joy. But be patient. You are in the prime of your life and it is hectic there. When you were 21 life was simpler. Maybe it didn't seem that way then, but you weren't responsible for two other human beings like you are now. Give yourself a break.
And don't worry if others don't get your meaning. It's frustrating, I know, but everybody's world is different. Everybody's perspective serves their needs.
I hope you enjoy the gift I've tried to give--understanding.
Love you,
Aunt Shel
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